Jumping

Now, don't think this is going to read about jumping from buildings, hopscotch, jump-rope or really anything to do with that, No, it is a metaphor this time like well pretty much everything I write I try to use symbols to get the point across.

It is interesting to think about the idea of jumping, we as people cannot fly without aid of course unless someone somewhere is holding out on us, so the act of jumping is to defy our nature and attempt something beyond or normal realm of actions. So why do we do it, it really doesn’t allow us to do more, the odd time it does allow us to reach something (which I will alliterate on later) or to make a long journey around shorter. Yet really when you think about it jumping only serves us when we dare to reach for something beyond our norms.

So the quote I am using now is “Sometimes we have to jump and hope to god we can fly” I cannot remember where I heard it from or if I just made it up. Either way I have always taken it to mean that you have to make a leap of faith against your norm against what you know will happen. Each and every time we jump we try to fly just a little bit, when we were younger you could fly anywhere by jumping and you always had to jump to fly. So obviously what I’m ranting about is this quote referring to doing something that you have to act on faith getting done rather then it being a sure thing, because if we don’t fly well we crash, and the bigger the leap the bigger the potential fall.

So why do it?
Why risk it at all.

Why, because we want to achieve what we can see around us but cannot do. Like flying. Yet I’m not entirely convinced by my own statement because I think its not the flying but the falling bit that gets us the most, the part we cannot control, like when we fly sure its new and wonderful and amazing, but that falling that control of nothing. That falling that free fall shows us that as much as we control our lives there are things beyond our control and all we can do is feel them at work.

So why Fly. Because I feel that as much as we enjoy the fall we want to do the impossible, falling is something everything in the world does, it all comes down, but that defying the end, the climb back to the top to fall again with that same feeling and repeat, that says something that says look here it is, look at it in glory.

So what they hell am I talking about….

relationships, love, anything like that.

Jumping trying to make something work, we do it all the time with a loved one, a new person, a friend anyone we meet, because it’s outside our norm, when you stop jumping stop reaching to do that for a person to form that connection then it all falls away.
That falling is what we long for, that feeling of being out of control about how we feel that no matter what we could have done it is still there that action that just goes without our notice or our acknowledgement that it can happen. We want that feeling to continue.
So we hope to Fly, because if you watch any bird fly the work to get high and then glide and let the world take over, they let that higher power act on them and just sail with it. If we can do that if whomever you are with can put the effort to climb some steps to get high enough to fall and let it go with what you want and then start it all over again, then well that’s why we Jump.

So Should I jump? Logic says no, we fall when we jump and we don’t fly. Past experiences says much the same, sure I might glide longer but I haven’t really every had someone work with me to climb back to the top, to work it over and over again and enjoy that feeling that comes from the times we let the higher powers work. So should I? No I shouldn’t….But I will anyway.

So here I am jumping hoping you jump too. Let’s see if we can fly.


The Wind carries us to rest our weary wings and let us know the world will carry us awhile

It Falls away

The way
You seem so unaffected by the end
And have since then treated me
Left to question
Everything there is.

I have no more love to bleed
And it’s killing me
I have tried my best
To let you be,
But I wish
You would show some sign
That you’re missing me.

I guess it was foolish to think
That you still care about me;
I am the sap
Who everyone drains upon,

You lied to save me
From the line
“I don’t love me anymore”.

This whole mess has left me
Wishing I was never here
Wanting leave the marks
To prove that I do exist.

I still believe in all we said
And hold it true,
I just hate the fact
That I still love you,
Because you have shown no proof
Tell what you did this for.

Honestly
I wish you well
I sit my heart to wait
With a grain of hope
That we meet again.

Who I show the world is not who I am currently, I hide behind false smiles, and hollow laughter... I am reeling to reset and find where you are to me.

Lyrics

Just my drunken ranting lyrics

The first night after you're release,
no one expects you to get much sleep
you're the waking, walking dead
In my case I'm not much better
walk to the kitchen and grab a marker
trace the path the blood will flow
the lines I wear around my wrist
are there to prove that I exist
Tomorrow, it will be easier to forgive myself
and remember her without a guilty head
these nightmare lines, an empty heart
we take for granted all the things that make us who we are
get up, get dressed, go to work, they all know who you are
they cant believe you'd show up here, but that's just who they are
set up shop at your machine, calibrate and remember who you are

here lies clarity in a perfect grave comprised of perfect steel
the perfect blade, was a perfect white
against the perfect lines, from last perfect night
I'm the perfect picture of complacency
and that's all I feel
slow motion replaces real time
as the horror fills their eyes
these claws will never kill again
the lines i wear around my wrist
are there to prove that i exist
the lines i wear around my wrist
I am a monster, clothed in crimson sleeves
and perforated lines where my wrists should be
A warehouse full of workers scramble like a pack of bewildered wolves
as my world turns black... and i fall.

Boys Night Out - Trainwreck - Purging

Paranoia Snap Shot

Paranoia is condemning me
Recreating my insanity
To an enigmatical mind

I need your articulation
Not an annotation
To what dwells in your mind

Second

I come second
For the world to notice
Whatever I am
You always show this

I want number one
I try with might
But whatever it takes
I lose that fight

I grow accustomed
Sitting in the shadows
I think of it
The silence after howls

I question my sanity
Race my mediocrity
To want what I feel
All in futility

Release me from these bonds
To satisfy my thirst
End my slow drip misery
Make me your first

The End of School

Greetings all,

So this year has been a fast paced turn of events from going from my return to Canada, to finishing what looks to be the last year of my schooling period. I am set with only days left in my Bachelor of Education program left. It has fostered some great new friendships with some brilliant people form all walks and ages. I have met people who discovered new fossils, who played professional hockey to people like me and the love of traveling, it has been amazing to get to know these people, and well promote life long learning with all of us. That and we have to be only cohort in the program that goes out 2-3 times every week and doesn't get all antsy about things (well most of us).

It is insane to think that in just a few weeks I will be on my way to the real world, to finding a full time teaching position, to getting to the point which I have worked for; for so long it seems. I cannot fathom the changes that I will have yet to undergo to come into this reality and what it will mean for my life. however I am not wary of it, I embrace it and enjoy both the here and now and what I have to look forward to with it. It is something new with me, to embrace all things and take it as they come.

I think it's kind of appropriate that it's during the Olympics that I write this because of how these athletes compete, however I think the greatest source of inspiration has been the Micheal J Fox Video It's Our Game simply because of how the acts on the ice, knowing his sickness and his words about the game, like its hockey, a game that we all love and moves all Canadians young, old, stars, to everyone else and that it gives hope and limits no one no matter who they are. I know I don't really write how my mind sees it, but the few times I have have given me goose bumps.

Life is a series of never ending chapters of a choose your own adventure that blend together, and really its up to you to decide when you want to open the next, and when you want to close the last, so choose your adventure and be thoughtful of your actions but appreciate where they have you go.

Oh and one last thing. that letter worked, muhahaha

Sean