How quickly to relapse

So here I am writing in the wee hours of the morning after yet again falling victim to the sense that I shouldn't disappoint you.
That even after how you have so easily dismissed me you still come sit yourself down and I cannot help but swing right back into being your confidant the person you can seek for comfort.
I must be the fool to think that anything will change. I know that your reasons and compliments are empty platitudes to soften the blow and justify in your mind what goes on.
I write this knowing you may never see it that i may never say but one day this connection you claim we share will vanish and it is at that point you will realize that it wasn't born out of time but something real and more than anything we had now. I will always respect what you claim holds you back but at some point this will end and by then however you will see the vacant spot where I once stood and only then realize what I know this day. For that day you will be the fool.
Till then I am. I will push deep and bury what I feel for your convenience and stay the course but I will drift and fade from this point till these feelings are walled, buried and eventually faded into old memories.
Till then here I am in these wee hours writing and feeling like that fool for letting myself fall so simply back to your side and never force what I know is there.