The Past

Life will always move forward, this day will turn into the next and so forth. I am left wondering often what does today mean, if in 5 days time I cannot recall what I ate, or exactly when I fell asleep, heck sometimes I would settle for what I packed or bought for lunch. The past we cannot change, and all too often forget about. I am truly trying to understand then why it is we have a memory. Look at a goldfish; it cannot for all we know remember more than 10 seconds at a time that is a creature that is truly living in the moment. So why is it that we can, that though I cannot recall all the specifics, which I can recall times that date back into the previous century, into a me, that when I see now I scarcely recognize my physical self. (Though I always can see me)

The journey is my most definitive answer to this question; we are living for the journey, to where life is taking us and where it is in fact we are going. I refer to the idea that life is one series of roads, paths, rivers and oceans that we all navigate through and find ourselves in. there is no real destination only the journey, but to travel even if it is to wander aimlessly, you have to come from somewhere.

We all too often tell ourselves and others to forget the past, leave it be, and move on. Why? Is the past such a scary concept that we cannot examine it except from a point of scholarly intent. Why it is that self reflection and remembrance is so hard. What are we scared to find, that we are not how we turned out to be? That the person we are now reflects poorly on who we were, or vice versa? I know there are things I wish I could change, regrets of actions, words, missed opportunities that I have wasted and will never get again. Yet, I am speaking to you from a foreign country, I have a loving family, friendships and companions that I know will travel my roads with me whenever possible. So yes some days I do not like what I see, some days I do not like where I have been. Yet I am always going on.

The past allows us to see where we are, can you honestly tell yourself you know why you are there right now, and NO I will not except the answer God said I should… faith has everything to do with this, but god does not make your feet walk nor your mind be wary of your actions you are mortal and thus are bound by mortal conditions. Anyway back to where you are. You are there because of your past, because of your belief in your actions or your regret from them, you are there to act or atone for something, you are their looking on the brink of your existence, looking back and saying is this it, or is there more. All our actions lead is somewhere, they all take us to some place. We cannot escape them; we cannot replay and reedit them. This is life it is going to keep going, you are human we are all going to make errors in judgement, but who is to say that error cannot lead you into a better day.

They say history is doomed to repeat itself unless we listen to its stories; people often look at this from the greater perspective of things like slavery, civil liberties and racism. Yes these are all very plausible things, and we must not let them cast a dark shadow on our world again. So why is it that we take ourselves out of this context, we often here, I always do this…or this keeps on happening, there is a reason, simply put history is repeating itself because you fail to read the story. You must see where you came to know where you are. If this is true you can’t move forward only circles till you see where you are.
No one is perfect and will walk in a straight path, but then the world is not perfect, the river never runs in a straight line, even canals built by man the water runs forward but from side to side moving and sliding. So do not expect your life to go forward in one moment to the next, allow yourself the pleasure of seeing the new oddities that come from the randomness of life. Yet as they come, see how they came, so that you know that if these come again to embrace them, or to quickly push past them. We can never tell what the future holds for us, but we can read what our past has given us. Use every story, ever road travelled to understand why you are there, it is not a question you can answer, but simply a look into who you are, you are complex, and very real.

You cannot escape your past, best learn to at least look back and acknowledge that it brought you here.

The wind is ageless constantly telling new stories of our yesterday